Written with an Open Heart
Sealed with Love
I scramble to capture the appropriate words to convey my thoughts. I do not want to mislead myself or others as I write. The subject is susceptible to misunderstanding and confusion. An unrelenting inner cry begs me to remain silent - demanding to know why I dare reveal concerns better undisclosed.
The most straightforward answer is I know too well life is precarious. For personal reasons, I attempt to connect through letters using a pure unedited voice.
My present communication often leaves me empty. Feeling unheard and misunderstood, I recoil into a world of silence. I cringe with exasperation each time somebody finishes my sentence proclaiming to know me. How is this possible? Please do not assume who I am from past actions and statements: change and growth are essential.
My conversations can be one-sided and verge on being superficial. I cling to the listener's role and, with trepidation, share pathetically little about my life. The overwhelming fear of being judged seeps in as an uninvited guest eavesdropping intently, waiting to pounce, and is unforgiving if I misspeak.
My father encouraged me to choose words wisely- a gift I crave to possess - but I frequently stumble.
If we listen carefully, the unspoken tells a story.
I struggle with the challenge of sharing my true self. Will letter writing tame my angst and provide the freedom to speak. The dread of being misinterpreted due to one moment in time may be too powerful to overcome.
Life is fragile, and I prefer not to hide voiceless behind a wall of excuses. I want to share my thoughts and feelings generously with you.
I do not wish to be elusive. I write letters with an open heart: signing and sealing each with love. Will I have the courage to send? Will I hear from you?