A Precarious Stack
On the Verge of Toppling
Surrounded by numerous organic disc-shaped white porcelain chips, I carefully place one on top of the other using my left hand. Not only am I right-handed, but my entire left side is affected by my stroke in 2008. I am approaching thirteen years of living with a body that not only feels awkward but is also not functioning with the agility and strength I once proudly possessed. In times past, I would be working on an art installation - not therapy.
I mindfully select each piece. And am aware of all movement. I hold my breath and enter a hypnotic state.
Flashback to times I missed out on in life.
Yes, I had a life filled with opportunities. Then why did I miss out? Because my focus was on work. A balanced life would have been more fulfilling. Instead, I was a workaholic. I say this with regret, not pride.
Now I live with the consequences. And there are many. I do my best to look forward rather than wallow in my regrets. Change is not easy. My inner battle to achieve a balanced life is often a bitter war. And I usually lose. Even so, I continue to focus on being in a world filled with harmony and joy.
Scheduling my days requires being calm and knowing how to manage my time. My priority? Therapy.
Now that I am painting and writing, I struggle to balance the two. The natural light dictates when I paint, so there are times I must be flexible - not a problem. I adjust with ease.
I am on an unknown creative journey and freedom rules.
The precarious stack of chips is also a symbol of my existence. Each chip represents a fragment of who I am. One wrong move and all may topple over. It does happen.
Several times I have been pushed down and off course. Getting up and redirecting my vision can be unsettling.
Empowered - I move on.