The Underlying Pulse
Passage of Time
Birthdays come and birthdays go. Holidays come and holidays go. No matter what we do, we cannot capture time - it escapes untamed. While I know and can appreciate the many who celebrate meaningful occasions with abandon, this is a foreign concept in my world - other than when it was part of my job description at Bloomingdale's and Past and Present. When called upon, I would quickly transform into a fictional character from an unidentified play who loves all festivities and any special promotion: my goal is to bring theatrical excitement to the store. Yes, I become a person who enjoys designing events and being the life of the party.
Allow me to guide you into my present - join me as I hold hands with a clock pulsating ever so slightly I barely sense it.
I lead a relatively scheduled existence and value each moment - not only for myself but also for others. I cringe when someone says, "let's meet for dinner Tuesday at 7ish." I question which Tuesday and privately delete "ish." I plan my days and allocate ample time as not to be late. Even though I always welcome spontaneity, I do begin with a structure predominantly revolving around my therapies. Yes, I can imagine one might assume my lifestyle is an utter bore - not correct. I can find pleasure in the mundane or the extraordinary. For now, I am doing what I have to do.
As you know, I usually do not make my birthday into a memorable affair, but 2019 is different. My two months in Budapest, followed by my eldest sister, Natalie, joining me in Thailand, were a fabulous jumpstart to our upcoming celebrations in Bangkok and Chiang Mai - a bright beginning to a new year for both of us.
I roughly outline my travel itinerary - it is going to be exciting months of adventure, learning, and self-discovery. Bam! I get hit by a car. Derailed, perhaps, but I secretly keep many of my plans intact. For now, my daily program continues - Therapy. Therapy. Therapy.
Then COVID-19 strikes, and all our lives change. Stepping into the unknown, I cancel all excursions. But, once I can, I will be back in the skies: destination undisclosed. Seeing unfamiliar places and meeting diverse people add the perfect ingredients to help feed my soul.
For now, I stay mostly at home in 507. Through it all, I remain a calm, determined person with an internal clock. The minutes and the hours disappear as I feel a faint underlying pulse: tick-tock.
November 18th, a year passes, and my dreams flourish. One, however, dangles without direction. I make a silent promise: tick-tock.
Note: Paris could easily be my second residence. During my two-month stay in 2015, I often visited the Musée d'Orsay and photographed the above clock on numerous occasions: an exquisite window to the 'City of Light.'
Comments on this post (2)
Yes Deb you are right Time stops for no one! Tick tock tick tock!
Another masterpiece. I love this. Yes, you do live in a world of tranquility. I admire your presence to what is. I SEE you Debra. I HEAR your inner beauty and it makes my soul smile.
Another year of pressing forward. Love you lots.💚